“My husband is sexually addicted to me. Even when I am feeling all-gone and dragged, he insists on getting on top of me. It’s utterly irritating.”

Do you relate to the rantings of a dejected wife about her sex-addict husband?

If you have silently nodded your head in agreement, you have every right to take a stand for yourself.

The problem is sex addiction problem is not considered a disorder. The term sex addiction does not appear in the American Psychiatry Association’s Statistics Manual.

So, how can you solve this painful dilemma? How can you put a lid on the insatiable sexual hunger of your husband? The blog post will address these questions so that you can maintain your sanity and save the relationship.

Understanding the Sex Addiction Problem in Men

Sex addiction is a serious issue. Like drug addicts, those who are addicted to sex think about sex and need it all the time.

In most cases, the sex addiction problem is due to an underlying psychological problem such as depression, fear, anxiety, or rage. A sex addict will seek satisfaction from sex in order to alleviate the internal pain.

According to Robert Weiss, the founder of Sexual Recovery Institute, sexual cravings are regarded as a replacement for regulating emotions and seeking true human connection.

While hypersexuality is not considered a disorder as such, the manifestation of the activity certainly categorizes it as a disorder.

People who crave excessive amount of sex cause distress to their partners and also to themselves. Craving for sex without regard to the wish of the partner causes distress.

When the sex drive becomes excessive and uncontrollable, it leads to a risk of emotional or physical harm. The addiction turns the pleasure of intimacy into a stressful activity.

The addiction meets the definition of a mental disorder as per the APA: a health condition involving significant deviance in thinking, emotions, and behavior, and resulting in distress in social, work, or family activities.

However, before you brand your husband as a sex addict, you should verify whether his actions meet the symptoms of sex addiction.

Here are a few clear sex addiction signs that confirm that you have a sex addict spouse.

He Talks a Lot About Sex

Communication between the patterns is the key to a healthy relationship.

However, if your husband constantly talks about sex or his sexual fantasies, he may have a sex addiction problem.

He Watches a Lot of Porn

If your husband indulges in porn images and videos, your husband may be suffering from a sexual addiction problem.

Spending several hours online browsing through indecent images or videos is one of the sex addiction symptoms in men. Pornography addiction generally leads to sex addiction that manifests in multiple cravings for sex.

Hearing “Not Tonight” Makes Him Angry

Does your husband become angry when you tell him that you are not in the mood for sex? If yes, you will have to do something about the addiction problem.

Sex addict husbands demand sex daily without regard to the wish of their partners. They become moody when they are told to hold their urges.

In one sex addiction story, a woman who later divorced her husband recalled how he punched a pillow next to her head when she rejected his advances towards her.

He Acts Like a Porn Film Director

Another sign of your husband’s sex addiction is that his sexual requests are unusual and utterly exhausting to you.

He directs you to up the ante during every sexual encounter. Similar to any other addicts, he needs increased sex to feel high. That’s just the progressive nature of an addiction.

His Constant Cravings Are Driving You Crazy

There is nothing wrong with your husband wanting to have sex multiple times in a day, if you are happy and want it too. However, his constant demands for sex may push you over the edge.

If your husband’s constant demands for sex are driving you insane, he is likely to have an addiction problem.

5 Steps to Help a Husband Who Is Sexually Addicted to You

1. Confront the Problem

The first step towards solving any problem is to acknowledge and confront it. Tell your husband that his constant craving of sex is driving you nuts.

Inform him that it’s not OK to have sex anytime he wants. Tell your husband that instead of craving for sex to fill the void, he should look for a better way to manage his emotions.

Sometimes, all it takes to help a sex addict husband is to clearly tell him about the real situation. If he is sensible enough, he will accept his sex addiction problem and find support to address the issue.

2. Set Clear Boundaries

You need to set boundaries and tell your husband what is not acceptable when it comes to having sex. Tell him that there are times when you are too exhausted to have sex.

Set clear boundaries on when and when not to have sex with your husband. The boundaries depend on your own sexual appetite.

Some women are troubled when their husbands demand sex daily, while others are stressed when their husbands demand sex three to four times in a day.

Setting boundaries can protect you from emotional harm. It will also allow your partner to know exactly what actions are discomforting to you.

Don’t be vindictive in case your partner decides to trespass the boundary. You should communicate with your partner on how his actions are stressing you out. Tell him about when you will be ready to respond to his sexual advances.

3. Get Support

Getting support is important to help your husband overcome his sex addiction. Consider enrolling your husband in a sex addiction therapy program.

Support groups such as Sex Addicts Anonymous can help men suffering from sex addiction overcome the problem. The American Association for Sex Addiction is another group that offers help to individuals.

Inform your husband why it’s important to talk to a sex addiction counselor. Tell him that therapy for sex addiction is essential to save the relationship.

Apart from getting support for your husband, you need to find support for yourself. Living with a sex addicted husband can be distressing. You need to find women with whom you can share your pain.

Chat up with women who are facing problem similar to yours. Consider joining online forums and connect with other women who also have sex addict husbands.

Joining an online support network can lessen your stress and give you renewed spirit to help your husband overcome sex addiction.

When sharing about the sex addict problem with others, you should be subtle and respect the privacy of your husband.

Avoid sharing the sexual addiction problem with a close friend or relative. Also, you should remain anonymous when sharing your pain with an online confidante.

4. Know What to Say (and What Not to Say)

Relationship expert G. Sheldon Martin said that if you want to help someone overcome addiction, you should not make them bear the weight of shame.

Avoid saying things like “you know it’s not right”, “you should be ashamed of yourself”, or “you will get over the struggle if you attended religious meetings or read scriptures.”

You should not kick them while they are struggling with their addiction.

Also, you should not just say that your husband should get over the urges. Sexual thoughts are quite overwhelming. Restraining from sex takes a nerve of steel.

Instead, you should tell your husband the reasons why his untimely advances are making you feel uncomfortable. If you feel exhausted from your daily chores, you should tell your husband the reason for rejecting sex.

You need to encourage your husband to fight the sexual addiction. Tell him that you love him and will stand by him until he wins the battle against his libido.

5. Be Patient!

Remember that quitting an addiction is not easy. Since sex addiction is hard wired to the brain, it will take time for your husband to get over the problem. Also, a few relapses might happen.

You should not forsake your husband just because he is sexually addicted to you. Instead, you should act with patience and help your husband.

The single most important thing you can do is to love him despite his shortcomings.

Make sure that your spouse feels loved during the journey to end his addiction. Tell your spouse that you admire his bravery and that his addiction problem will not stop you from loving him.

Never blame him – or worse yourself – for the problem. There are underlying psychological reasons for the problem that must be identified and treated through a therapy program.